Sunday 27 August 2017

Night Of Something Strange At Least


Director: Jonathan Straiton Writers: Jonathan Straiton, Ron Bonk Stars: Trey Harrison, Rebecca C. Kasek, Wayne W. Johnson Country: USA/Canada Language: English Release Date: 22 November 2016

"Something Strange..." begins by showing us the shoes of a night porter walking him to the morgue to do his work. Only when I say "his work", I don't mean to wipe the floor out of whatever a morgue floor can have, I mean "his work". That is to look for the most fresh looking corpse, pull it out, push it in, and fuck it to the death (if it was alive). Cornelius (corny name) is not just down on his knees, he is also down on his luck, because the body he is having non consensual sex with (?) is of an unknown identity, of unknown cause of death and infected by an unknown sexual transmitted disease. All these unknown that won't be known for the next ninety minutes or so.

(Cold feet, warm heart)

The unfortunate Cornelius will pay in blood and sperm his shallowness of not taking precautions while fucking the dead (well, they don't get pregnant, or do they?), because the genital necro-warts that he got from the deceased, will transform him into something like an undead, sex-maniac, guinea pig of a failed Viagra (that's why kids you should always take precautions whatever you fuck, dead or alive, man or animal, fruit or vegetable), with the sole purpose of passing on the virus with the most enjoyable way the STDs are transmitted, by fucking! Oh, and to devour the flesh of the living. His first victim is the closest person to him at the time of his transformation, his beloved mother, where after he pisses on her to mark his territory, he will rape her in a very sweet and tender mother and son love scene, before he rips out her uterus and gobble it up, probably because he would have read in the internet that it's very nutritious. As it's perfectly normal in situations like these, his brutally murdered mother will be resurrected with the same superpowers and the same holy purpose, to eat and fuck everything that has a pulse. All of the above are just the first five minutes of the movie and it's nothing compared to what happens next, the story goes from silly to insane and it never stops! The movie get's in elbows deep and never gets out.

(Nice dress, it really brings out your eyes!)

Along the way we will get to meet the main cast, a group of horny and annoying college kids on a road trip to wherever they can get laid and get drunk undisturbed. Until, of course, they get disturbed and for some gruesome reason, they'll have to stop in the middle of the night, to stay in a motel in the middle of nowhere. In the same middle of nowhere where all the sex-crazed, flesh-eating, living dead maniacs, will gather for the all-night orgy we paid to watch. The group of friends will find themselves swimming in a deep sea of rotten testosterone, fighting their way to dry land while keeping their holes inviolable, striking this evil where it hurts the most, in the balls.

(Kick in the balls, or pussy, whatever)

If "Jackass" were filming a horror movie, they would film something like that. The entire movie is a big nasty joke, with the slapstick comedy and gross-out scenes coming one after another. If you are an immature, senseless and uncultured person (which probably you are if you are reading this), who thinks that fart jokes and people's suffering are funny, then this movie is for you. There is no point of counting how many gags are happening in this movie with cocks, cunts, period blood, cum, farts, shit, piss, with blood and gore on top of it. Oh, I almost forget, and the most unbelievable scene of accidentally gay sex I've ever seen (you mean you've seen many?). This film is truly a feast for the eyes, the same eyes you'll feast upon after you've seen it.

(This movie is worth seeing in 3D)

The guys who made this adorable abomination have also made "She Kills" which from the trailer looks like it's one of the same but it leaps more to the comedy side than the horror of the "Night...". The film was shot at just $40.000 and has more gore and imagination than the most higher budget horror movies out there. Movies like that should be taken as an example by Rob Zombie before he introduces his next "most brutal movie I've ever done" while complaining about the budget of a couple millions (now you're just being mean).
(The trailer doesn't do justice to the movie)

(Cool poster, that font though...)

(When you're so hungry after a Slayer concert, that you dive head first into the chilli)

(...and then you run to the loo)

"Should I visit the dentist or the gynecologist?"

 (And this is how you insert a catheter)

(Checking you babe's phone)

"That's for sending me dick picks"


"Two and a half out of three, I ate all the clotted cream"

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