Friday 20 April 2018

Terrifier Is Terrifically Terrifying

Director: Damien Leone Writer: Damien Leone Stars: Jenna Kanell, Catherine Corcoran, David Howard Thornton Official Sites: Official Facebook | Official Twitter Country: USA Language: English Release Date: 28 October 2017 (UK)

The last couple of months this face kept popping up on my dashboard increasingly often. Whatever social media, vlogs and blogs I follow I kept seeing this head starring back at me! It looked at me once, twice, it didn't took me long to give in to this beautiful smile and these seductive, playful eyes before I said to my self "fuck it, let's do this". I cracked open an ice cold Innis & Gunn and made my self some haggis with black pudding for a snack because all the clotted blood, heart, liver and lungs thats this flick had to offer me wasn't enough! A little something extra on top of this movie's daring delicacies, to add some more repulsion to the already repulsive viewing (it's a good thing) of the TERRIFIER!
(This face)

I've never had a thing for clowns, I always thought of them as a bad joke. They looked kinda sad to me, except in movies were they just seemed ridiculous. When I watched IT as a kid I barely remembered it, and when I watched it (ha!) again as an adult I thought it was just bad. As for Tim Curry's praised Pennywise let's say that it's the only funny clown I've ever seen. Don't get me wrong, Tim is a great actor but I will always remember him as the Darkness in Legend. When I watched IT's remake sometime ago I really enjoyed it (even though the bad CGI) but not so much as a horror film, more like as a dark tale for kids, Del Toro's style. Having said that, Terrifier looks like the IT for adults, but for the poor adults. Poor budget, poor script, poor acting, but rich sentiments for the good old slasher films we all loved during our childhood, where the hero of the story was always the schizomaniacal killer. Most of the attention has been given to what really matters on films like this, to practical effects (grandpa's traditional handmade gore recipes) and the creation of a loveable sadisturbing, spine-chilling creepfest of a psycho killer who will make you shit your pants (from dread, or from laughs, doesn't matter, shitting your pants is the evaluation measure). Even himself takes a dump at some point of the movie (seriously)!
(Street artist)

The story is very simple (less is more), so simple that Damien Leone (director/writer) could have written it on a pack of smokes (not bad, that's how Bukowski started), "a guy is after a girl", it has it all, romance, suspense and drama. But let's get into it a bit more (from a pack of smokes to a napkin). Two lassies completely wasted after a Halloween night out are staggering down the road looking for a chippy to sober up with grease before they drive safely straight into a car crash. On their way to the Kebab place they stumble across another Halloween geek, dressed as a clown/mime/harlequin something, standing there like a creepy perv, with his mouth watering, gawking at their tits. Boys will be boys, and girls will be girls, so they don't have a second thought before they start teasing the poor fella who looks like a deranged sex offender child molester at least. Probably he is just a jack o' lantern pumpkin fucker freak. What can he do? I mean except his overwhelmingly respond to their flirting by following them into Ali's Chippy & Kebab and buying them burgers, donner and ribs, not of a lamb's but of any poor man's had the misfortune to be passing by.
(Tonight's special, freshly carved flamed head)

From that point on we are watching a repetitive hide and seek between the clown and the girls, which could have been boring if there weren't any more passersby at the right place at the right time to amuse the clown and ourselves with their gory deaths, and if the clown himself wasn't such a captivating sight to behold. Thankfully Terrifier is a one man's show, so the clown has plenty of screen time .
"Can't get enough of me"

The creator of Art the clown (yeah, that's his "stage" name) is working on this monsterpiece for sometime now. His first try was the short film Terrifier, and then the horror anthology All Hallows' Eve in which the short film is part of it, plus some extra scenes. The clown wasn't as good as it is in Terrifier and generally I didn't enjoy All Hallows' Eve so much. Except one scene that I really liked where two little children lose their heads! For some reason it's a rare thing in horror films to watch kids and pets been tortured and killed, so when it happens I really appreciate it. Terrifier might not have kids and dogs but it has a scene worthy of an Oscar nomination, which is similar to another Oscar worthy scene from Bone Tomahawk. If you've watched it you probably know which scene I'm talking about.
(That's what I'm talking about)

Long story short, I really enjoyed this flick and I'm hoping for a sequel. Art the clown is the scariest clown I've seen on screen, and if you're into clowns (in any way) you should definitely give this a watch, but have in mind that it's not meant for the mainstream horror fan. It's a splatter b-movie VHS looking film that has some really good moments but some really cheesy ones too.
(Terrifying trailer)

(This one goes for the DVD cover)

(This one goes up the wall!)

"It's a selfie, why don't you smile for a sec? What kind of a clown are you?"

"I'm not a clown but I can smile for you all night long"

"I loved it"
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Monday 16 April 2018

Horror And Weird Music Videos (Pt.2)

The weather got a little warmer here in Edinburgh and I found an excuse to cool my self a little bit by diving in a sewage sludge of nauseous sounds and repugnant images. Here is what I came up on surface with! It's time for another HWMV! Are you ready to dance? Let's get started.

Do you like massage? Do you find it relaxing although sometimes painful? Well, here is a massage for your eyes and ears,  but only the painful part. Welcome to Ultima II Massage, the finest massage parlour in town (I wonder which town is that).

Tobacco - Streaker

The only thing David Lynch does in his life is fucking with our heads through short films, long films, TV series, commercials and music videos. Have you read Header (I wish I haven't) ? He is that guy but in a metaphorical sense. Here is one of his own fucked up videos for his own fucked up music. A group of kids having barbecue in the backyard, nothing sketsy here, just having some nonsensical fun David's way.
David Lynch - Crazy Clown Time

A dry cleaner with a late night hobby. Cleaning clothes at day time, cleaning out people at night. It's a brilliant music video / thriller short film by Todd Cole.
Liars - No.1 Against The Rush

This traumasterpiece is not exactly a music video but an excerpt from a porn - horror - comedy - musical (?) of 1984! Driller: An Erotic Thriller. It's not like the Rocky Horror Picture Show shit, this is actually fun! But I have to warn you, this video is NSFW! It contains images of a werewolf's dick! A long, black, revolving dick!
Driller: An Erotic Thriller

I've mentioned Necrophagia in the previous post of HWMV but I had preferred Cattle Decapitation's  Forced Gender ReAssignment at the time. Well, now it's Necrophagia's turn. This is not just one music video, it's the entire Through The Eyes Of The Dead compilation of music videos, which is also an anthology of creepy, disturbing, and splatterish gory short films.

Necrophagia - Through The Eyes Of The Dead

Lyrics: "You blocked me on Facebook, now you're going to die". Life imitates art since this kind of crazies exist next door, or next profile! Watch who you're adding kids, and who you're blocking of course.
Knife Party - Internet Friends

Cheerful little song about incestuous love between twins! Family comes first and nobody is going to love you more than your own blood, so why give it to a stranger? Right or wrong, who's to judge?
Le Sexoflex - Twincest

A music video inside a music video, in a children's TV show. If this happens in real life the kids would love it, they would go nuts (more than usual). I was in a playground full of little children the other day and I thought I was in a mental asylum. The children were constantly behaving like lunatics  on cocaine. However, they could communicate perfectly with each other! So scary.

Pacifist - Happiness

The beginning and the ending of a beautiful relationship. The outcome of love, the miracle of birth, the fruit of the love of a young woman and of a ...well whatever the fuck this abominable abomination is.

Tesseract - Singularity

In the previous HWMV I started with Trent Reznor, now I'm going to finish with his wife. How To Destroy Angels is Trent's wife musical project and the video is directed by their best man, it's a family business. The couple is playing themselves bleeding and burning alive. Pretty village, pretty flame.

How To Destroy Angels - The Space In Between

Another Horror And Weird Music Videos came to an end. If you know any videos that fit this category let me know, alright? So, until next time, take care and stay weird.
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Wednesday 11 April 2018

Gun Woman Carries A Baby Gun


Director: Kurando Mitsutake Writers: Kurando Mitsutake, Chiaki Yanagimoto Stars: Jennifer Mullaney, Matthew Floyd Miller, Dean Simone Country: Japan Language: English | Japanese Release Date: 29 May 2014

Quick word. There is this weirdo who makes his girlfriend avenge the rapist, then murderer, then rapist again, of his ex-girlfriend! After he washes her brains out and rips her ...muscles through an intense tormentraining he transforms her to the ultimate sex-slav ...oops sorry, I meant the ultimate killing machine. And all of that because he is too much of a pussy to just go and shoot the guy himself.

Gun Woman is a Japanese revenge movie written and directed by Kurando Mitsutake, it has an insane plot, blood by the gallon and lots of JAV (Japanese Adult Video). The leading actress(Asami) is (big in Japan) a star of the genre and has starred to Machine Girl (watched it, you should too!), Robogeisha, Mutant Girls Squad, Erotibot and many other fun titled flicks. The actor playing the rich sadist killer rapist necrophile cannibal is the meowing boy from Ju On (just kidding, he just looks a lot like him).

Quicker word. Watch it if you are a fan of this sub-genre, or if you just wanna have fun with gore and nudity, only. Don't watch it if you don't want to know what a pistol magazine can load except from a pistol.
(Dramatic trailer)

 (Killing poster)

 "Shit, I forgot my tampons again"

(BRAZZERS)

"Meow!"

(Sasha approves)
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Saturday 7 April 2018

Forklift Driver Klaus – The First (And Last) Day On The Job


Directors: Stefan Prehn, Jörg Wagner Writers: Jörg Wagner, Stefan Prehn Stars: Konstantin Graudus, Gustav Adolph Artz, Jürgen Kittel Country: Germany Language: German Release Date: 30 March 2002 (UK)

Claus (not Kinski) just got his forklift driving licence and he's excited on his first day at work. Unfortunately for him and his colleagues he's going to fuck this up so bad that his first day is also going to be his last (I guess). He, and everybody else, are going to learn a lesson in violence that safety rules are there for a reason, no matter how boring, stupid, or minor they sound.
"But I did everything by the book!"

Forklift Driver Klaus – The First Day on the Job (Staplerfahrer Klaus - Der erste Arbeitstag) is a huge value short-film which makes fun with the worst way (meaning the best) of some old educational videos about safety at work. You know, the kind of oversimplified common sense videos that companies show to their labour instead of proper training, so they won't mangle themselves in the workplace, cost more money and give the brand a bad name.

This bloody short-film it's so good at what it does that before the shit hits the fan it really convinces you that it is indeed an 80's work safety instruction video for forklift drivers. Of course when heads start to roll and guts start to fall, you might suspect that it might not be a legit safety video. However, the legend has it that although the film is a parody, some German instructors (who else?) are often show the film during their lessons to ...lighten the mood (I'd like to see the look on their students' faces).


(Watch this for your own safety)

(Excellent!)
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